Five for 20’s: How I’m Alive so Far
I think we always here about how great your ’20’s’ are. Growing up, they are the myth where everything is possible, and it seems like all people in their golden years speak of their 20’s with fondness and irreverence… you know, the “I was ridiculously stupid back then but hell, it sure was a grand old time.” The irony is that us 20-somethings that are growing up now probably have more power to royally screw up than ever before [or maybe not, after all I hear the 70’s were a romping good time]- we can consume like no other, have massed sums of money… or energy, and hey, we have more time to mess it all up right? After reading this article from the Thought Catalogue, I was trying to think… what have I made of my short lived 20’s so far? As my friends are joining me in this heralded age bracket, or the continuation of it, what do these years mean to me right now? Thus here are my favourite things, the ones that keep me kickin’… well, about now:
1) Living Between Sleep: When I was 9 I went downstairs at 3a.m. bawling to knock on my fathers door. ” Why do I have to sleep, I could be doing so many better things with my life with all this time!!!” Yes, part of my 20’s has been learning to sleep, to nap and catch up. On the other hand I’ve also learned how not to sleep, how to take the 2nd wind, and let the adrenaline kick in so that I can wake up at 3a.m to go see things like this:
2) Being Alone: I think some of my best moments have come from being alone. Writing to figure out if I do have an opinion, to see if I care, sitting on that roof top over looking the lake palace with a whole hotel to myself, savouring the cafe au lait and not feeling any sense of a need speaking to anyone, laughing as you can see people make up stories about who you are and why you’re smiling, the complete self-indulgence of spending quality time with myself in that silly search to squeeze something out of a slit of time. Or maybe this is me being self-indulgent, saying that while I’m still in my 20’s I look mysterious and purposeful sitting alone at that cafe, and I’m not quite the awkward old lady in the corner at the resto. Still, for at least the moment this is a time to dream, where others do get to wonder because thats exactly what I’m doing.
3)Hope….. or blissful ignorance: Theres the moment when speaking with possible donors, older business folk, those of the industry, the veterans, the jaded, the experienced, the knowledgeable, those of the system, and you allow yourself to self-deprecatingly start sentences with “I’m young enough to believe and hope that…” Because its true, right now I am young enough to still believe in change, movement, and something better. And isn’t that one of the ‘scary’ things about growing older, that we know so much more so theres less to be in-wonder about? Which is also the silliest, because even if you think you know something, can’t you also change it?
4)Breaking the Small Ones: I’m never going to do cocaine, commit murder, or lie in court. Yet heres to that little thrill for breaking rules that dont quite seem to make sense, giving you that thrill of living on the edge with the safety net of knowing its not really that big of a deal. Of driving on the backs of motorcycles, of making up far more important personas, of living scenes out of James Bond movies [should be illegal]. I’m not saying I’ve done these things or anything else, but you can ask if I have.
5)Worthy Investments: 5-hour music download sessions instead of ice cream, binging on reddit because it actually does make me smarter, getting excited about reading books that aren’t assigned, reading the ones that are because I’m nerdy enough to still enjoy them, that three hour conversation with someone you’ll never see again because its a lifespan at once, back tickles [cannot be said enough], procrastination: because my cost benefit analysis says you’re more important, really good things in small budget possible proportions [perhaps because you mean that much more, #food], new skills because maybe we’ll have time to use them, laughing because supposedly its good for my heart, doctor.